Lord, Prepare ME!

May your father and mother be glad; may she who gave you birth rejoice! Proverbs 23:25

My son, give me your heart and let your eyes keep my ways. Proverbs 23:26

 

I rarely have the chance to be home in the mornings when my boys are getting ready for school. Teaching in a different county means having a different schedule. I'm out the door as I wake the boys up to get ready. Let me just say for the record that I am not all that excited to stick around while a 17 and 12 year old get ready for school. They are grumpy and have very few kind words to say. TEENAGE BOYS!

 

One thing I miss dearly about my boys being little is in the morning. Steve and I would argue (jokingly) over who would get to wake them up. Nothing is more precious than seeing a baby sleeping. I used to sit and watch them sleep and listen to the sounds of their breathing. Those days are gone; but the memories are endless. They are just so precious when they are in the comfort of their beds, safe and secure. 

Lucky for me (although I didn't always feel so lucky), Steve was never home in the mornings when it was time to get the boys up. He would leave before 5am and I was left to get myself and two rambunctious boys ready for school. While it seemed like hard work, I look back and cherish those small moments. I used to sing as I would go into their rooms, "Good morning, good morning today is a happy day today!" I would smile as big as I could (even when I wasn't feel well) as I saw their eyes blink open. I always wanted to send them off to school happy, even if I was not happy with the little moments of irritation along the way. Boys can be a lot of fun; but they can also try your patience and they constantly keep you on your toes.

This morning as I enjoy my fall break (despite a small cold), I decide to get up and witness their morning routine that I so long to be a part of, again. I crawl up in my recliner and a blanket and attempt to be a fly on the wall. Amazingly enough, these "grown" babies can get ready for school without my help. As disheartning as it is for me to see them growing up, it is a moment of thankfulness that they can do for themselves. Hunter, reluctantly took care of the animals, ate breakfast and managed to have a short conversation with his girlfriend. Peyton, although his shower took well over 25 minutes was able to dress, eat a bowl of cereal and brush his teeth.

There was even a few minutes that we were able to sit and talk together...a rare occasion indeed. This morning as Peyton and I were talking about random things, he brought up a "non-negotiable" topic. For the past 5 or so years, he has had the opportunity to go to church camp with a close friend and her family. Many of the children that attend, I have taught or they go to the school where I teach. He says these have been the best days of his life and each time he comes home, his faith is even stronger. I believe that God has some mighty work in store for him. Peyton has a gift. He has a close relationship with God. He is not ashamed to share his faith with others and I have heard him speak to Hunter on occasion with wisdom that kids his age do not have. He knows scripture and he understands it. He enjoys reading his bible, praying and talking about what he has read. Sometimes we will sit down and read together and the next thing you know we have spent two hours just talking about what we read. He has taught me so much about faith and looking to God for direction. More moments that I will cherish as he grows older. I pray so often that God will use Peyton's ability to somehow touch the lives of the kids he goes to school with that may not know how amazing God is.

So back to camp. This past summer was the last time he would be able to attend camp with my friend and her family. Knowing this family and trusting them 100% has allowed me to willingly let him go in the past. Now he wants to attend the church camp in Kentucky with the same kids; but without my friend and her family. A few weeks back the subject came up and I was quick to fire back, "NO...this is non-negotiable!" He was very upset but he didn't push the subject further...until this morning. As we talked, he began to share with me that he wanted to be a part of the "Fellowship of Christian Athletes" club next year. I was certainly happy to hear that from him. He continued to tell me that he had an interest in missions and outreach but not the ones that are near home, the ones that might carry him out of the close comfort of his parents. A little uneasy about the idea, I allowed him to continue. Then he dropped the bomb again. "Mom, I really wish you would consider letting me go to that christian camp in Kentucky this summer. I really feel led to go and I know a lot of the kids going. I just think if you would talk to Mr. Lester and Mrs. Charlene, they will ease your mind about it."

I really didn't know what to say as my first instinct is to say NO, NO, NO but instead, I assured him that I would pray about it and we would consider the possibility. He was nothing short of thrilled. Then as Peyton's bus pulled up, he quickly grabs his bookbag and rushes to the door. I look at him funny as if to telepathically let him know "I need you! I need a hug." He must know me too well because he took a slight irritated huff and came back to hug and kiss me bye. Peyton is such a loving and affectionate kid but at 12, he is starting to pull away. He is enjoying his friends and the things that teenagers enjoy instead of being right with me and Steve all the time.

I have often prayed about Peyton and his future as I have sensed God working in his life over the years. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11). For several years, we have been an avid supporter of The Voice of the Martyrs non-profit organization. So years ago, a seed was planted in Peyton to pray for those imprisoned for their faith in Jesus Christ. "Remember them that are in bonds, as bound with them; and them which suffer adversity, as being yourselves also in the body" (Hebrews 13:3). If you haven't read the book, Tortured for Christ by Richard Wurmbrand, the founder of Voice of the Martyrs, then I encourage you to go to  www.persecution.com  and request your free copy. It will change your life immediately. In fact, you will probably think I am crazy for even allowing Peyton to let his mind focus on a possible future in missionary work. Above Peyton's bed is the picture below which is one of the posters that VOM sells and prints on the maps of persecuted nations that they send out periodically in their free magazine. There is also a website/magazine called, Kids of Courage that shows how christians in persecuted nations have stood firm in spite of unbelivable circumstances. I am proud of Peyton for being willing to even consider following such a path.

 I am a bit scared about the possibilities that he may want to get involved in things that take him away from me. Yet something has been tugging at my heart to let him choose his path. Whether that means a life in missionary efforts or something deeper, God has a plan and whether I like it or not, "Thy will" is non-negotiable. God called Jeremiah to ministry at an early age. Yet Jeremiah claimed he was only a youth and was afraid. God told him, "Do not say, `I am only a youth'; You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be not afraid of them, for I am with you and will deliver you." It seems that Peyton is sure of what he wants to do for now, I am the one that is afraid.

I do not like the stories I read (even though they are amazing) about the dangers involved in missionary work, the kind he is speaking about; but I can find comfort in God's word. In Mark, Jesus tells the disciples to go into ALL the world and preach the good news to ALL creation. All I can do is pray I will have the strength to nurture whatever desires Peyton has and that it will be pleasing to God. The call to serve God is a calling to a position of special honor and as we spoke this morning about the people in our family that God has called to serve him, we realized the only honorary member of the family left in ministry is my brother, Bill who has also been very much involved with world missionary work. Yes, I have an aunt, uncle, Nanny and mom who are deeply devoted to God and lead in music ministry and other areas within the church; but that is not an area that seems to be speaking to Peyton. He wants to know more about missionary work outside of his home and his church. The good Lord only knows what the future holds for Peyton, but whatever it is, I am confident that Peyton will be a world changer through the power of God. “A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.” Proverbs 16:9

Im not all that sure how I will handle some of the things Peyton brought to my attention this morning; but I have been ignorning what I now KNOW was God's quiet voice telling me to encourage his desires even if they do not fit in with what I may think he should do. I guess the good Lord knows how this will end and until he reveals it to Peyton, I will keep praying and try my best to guide him in the right direction. Seeing him grow up is a difficult time; but I will happily embrace every tear as I consider myself blessed to have had the opportunity to see him grow up in front of my eyes loving God. A rare gift that so many deserving mom's will not experience.

So I end with the first verse of a powerful song written from Isaiah 6:8. Our preacher's wife sings at church and she sings it beautifully. I have often dismissed the powerful emotion and cold chills that overcome my body as I hear her sing this song. I wonder if it has been just one more nudge for Peyton to hear a calling on his life or for me to relinquish my tight hold on him. Only time will tell. He is certainly not meant for just an ordinary life.  “Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here am I; send me.” Isaiah 6:8  

Here I Am, Lord
 I, the Lord of sea and sky,
I have heard my people cry.
All who dwell in darkness now
My hand will save.

I who make the stars of night,
I will make their darkness bright.
Who will bear my light to them?
Whom shall I send?

 Here I am, Lord. It is I Lord.
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, where you lead me.